bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
