I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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