hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
splinters make it hard to masturbate
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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