whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize