Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
