I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
