I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
