I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
