So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize