WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
