if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize