Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
