Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
