is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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