I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
