Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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