man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
