To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
