i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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