Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
