Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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