Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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