Umm I'm too high to move.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im holly from the hills drunk
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
