Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
love makes seman taste better
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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