there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
