for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
