farters have to be the big spoon...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
