what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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