My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
