We need to rekindle our bromance
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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