they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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