I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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