he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
