LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
