why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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