If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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