I must be too annoying 4 u.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
