Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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