is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
