My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
