I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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