im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
