I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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