So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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