If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
