I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
