okay pat passed out under dana's car
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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