I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
smell my finger.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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