Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
