Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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