Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
