Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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