when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
