What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
