He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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