Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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