Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
