just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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