she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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