Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize