Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
