remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
