every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
