This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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