Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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