I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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