you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
