Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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