You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
