I'm really into asian looking animals
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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