Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
