I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
