im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
