I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
