i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
