Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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