Betty ford says i'm here all night
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
