; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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