I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
