my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
