He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
