Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
