I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize