Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
