Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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