My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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