I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
