they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
