Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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