I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you had me at cake vodka
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
