You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Randomize
