I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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