I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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